In the film days, I had no idea what I had captured until it was processed, so whatever I ended up with was something"I meant to do". That's in quotes because it really wasn't so. Whatever the result, I told myself it was the way I wanted the exposure to look. If the image was slightly underexposed, it was because of the light quality at the time, or the image needed to be underexposed to create an atmosphere. If it was overexposed, I convinced myself I had so much film density to work with!
The more I think about it, the more I have come to believe I was fooling myself. I was fixing errors in the darkroom because of how I shot the image on film. Sure, I love the work I did and I am satisfied I accomplished what I wanted to at the time, but my time was spent in the darkroom, understanding every aspect of an image from an 'after I shot it' perspective. When I was out capturing images, I understood light and how it affected a scene, I saw shadows and the play of light, but my mind was on how I was going to interpret that scene in the darkroom, not on appreciating what I was viewing and interpreting in the field. Since my mind was somewhere else, I photographed with the understanding I would change it later. Nothing wrong with interpretation of course... we do it all the time. But I think I might have lost the opportunity to interpret a scene at the moment of taking the photograph. Instead of appreciating a scene just for the scene itself, I was altering it in my mind, although I don't think I realized that at the time. I became disconnected from what was around me so I could interpret it later in the darkroom. I wasn't living in the moment, or better put, I was altering the moment to be exclusively a photographic one, not an experiential one. I've seen online discussions about how we alter our experiences because of our photographic practice. Many believe they need to convince you to leave your camera at home to appreciate an experience. I can't fault them for saying this... they miss out on the experience of just being there because they focus on the photographic process instead of the journey of photographic communication and interpretation. If that is how you are, then I agree... leave that burdensome box at home! That said... to be present in the moment and to also interpret that moment with my camera is as close to paradise as I'll ever experience in this world. The camera is my way of experiencing something greater than myself, something special and unique. If anything, photography has given me an insight about the world, one that helps me appreciate my experiences. I cannot count the times I have traveled without a camera and completely ignored the world around me. I was too busy doing whatever I was doing and getting to wherever I was going. I didn't take the time to slow down and appreciate the magic around me. The camera forces me into the experience, not away from it, and the process of creating an image makes me appreciate these experiences all the more.
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