It has been one year since I began this journal, and it has been a year of experiences and growth. The original idea behind the website was to have a place to add some images, nothing more. When I found the service I used had a “journal” function, I thought what the hell… it was an opportunity to write down some thoughts. The writing was just a lark -- a way to add some pages to the ‘real’ reason for the website… photography. But as time has progressed, it has become quite a bit more. I seem to post more writing than I do images, and that is fine with me. The subject matter ranges from cameras, to image styles, to teaching, but in the end, it really isn’t about photography, per se. It uses the topic of photography to talk about ways to view of the world, think about life and to help people expand their horizons beyond the norm. Photography is just a vehicle to move on to more important things.
Now some people may think the point might be to get lots of views and responses to each journal entry. But that isn’t really me. It’s not important if there are dozens of likes or multiple comments on a post. They don’t matter. It's not about praise or glory or recognition. It's about making a difference. And if this journal makes a difference to even just one person, I've done something good. And as far as I can tell, I kinda did that with one of the posts... so I’m good. So who was I when this journal started? As I said on the first post: “After many years learning and using film photography as my medium, everything changed…”. I thought I was talking about the world of digital photography, but what I was really talking about was myself. I have changed through the years -- from a young man who was sure that photography was not only forever, but was also my absolute identity -- to an adult who was seeing everything he held dear disappear to be forgotten. Yes, it was that bad. I had become disillusioned and felt the world had moved on without me. After many years of the world transforming itself, as it must do, I realized I was stagnating, and it was time to make some adjustments. The journal was one way to do this. I am not the person I was then. I am more confident at work and in my day to day life; I enjoy the writing I do; and I’ve found photography again, which I have to admit, is still a part of my identity. Okay so maybe this journal is a little bit about photography. But what changed me? Was it the writing or the photography? I think it was both, but in different ways. The photography was the impetus to make a website, but it wasn’t the real inspiration for change. Because of the technological developments in digital imaging, I was able to reconnect with my photography, which was great, but that was only a tool to use for change, not the change itself. Like driving to the store… the car is just the vehicle, not the reason for going. It was the journal, the lark that was only there to fill up space, that was the true instrument of change. Writing the journal has allowed me to organize my thoughts into something more concrete, to codify what I knew was there, but was unable to interpret until I wrote it down. I have grown through this process, and my photography has grown with that transformation. My work seems tighter, more focused; I don't automatically convert every image to black and white; I play around more with color balance, contrast, and developing a mood in images; I use both a mirrorless camera and the camera on my iPhone to create new work; and I am attempting to broaden my photographic horizons by trying out street photography. Not sure where that may lead, but that's for another journal post. These posts have been an unexpected catharsis for me. I was writing just to jot down my thoughts on photography, but in the act of setting down thoughts, I have come to understand my motivations, the ways I see the world, the interactions (or lack thereof) with others. Although these journal posts have views, they are not high in number. They have very little commentary from others... there isn't really a lot of reason for it. The journal is really a diary of sorts… a way to work through the ups and downs that are the experiences of life. And that is where it has excelled. The changes that have occurred in the last year happened in small increments, so small I did not notice them. They culminated in a Valerie Jardin workshop on street photography, something my old self would have scoffed at and never participated in. I have learned a great deal about myself and my place in this world. Change is not always bad... or good. Change is just change. It's how we cope and what we do with it that matters. I used an idiom in my first post a year ago... "I have seen the light". Well, have I seen the light? I think maybe that isn’t the point. It isn't necessary to fully understand everything. I don't have to know exactly who I am and where I am going. I thought I did a long time ago when photography was film and chemistry... and things would never change. I thought I knew exactly who I was and where I was going. All that did was send me down a dead end. It took a long time to realize you are never who you think you are and you never know where you'll end up. You might have heard life is a journey, not a destination. Every step you make, the skips, the falls, the jumps, the runs... all those moves forward or backward (both are good!), make up who you are and lead you to new destinations every moment of your life. Anything can happen.
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